Sasuke's journal
by the4elements
Summary: Sasuke decides to write his feelings and thoughts about being a ninja. His growing love for Sakura, his friendship with Naruto, his hatred for Itachi. (SasuSaku)
1. Chapter 1

**First day as a ninja**

I never thought I would be doing this - writing a journal - but it turns out to be one of the only things I can do without having assholes and bitches following me around.

First day was okay. I guess.

It wasn't like I expected it to be, that's for sure. I never thought they would evaluate our competences as teammates. I feel like I'm going to hate all of this. My goal doesn't require a team or anything of that sort so that it can be reached. Teams get in the way. They want "what's best for you", they think "murder is a bad thing". They care about you. All I wanted was to learn to be an assassin. Not to be a protector of the people, along with the worst shinobi in town, and the stupidest girl that ever existed. Although they do seem to be nice people... I shouldn't care about that, about them. If there's anything I've learned from my short stupid life, it is that anyone can turn out to be the worst scum. Even a brother. _Especially_ a brother.

I guess I'll just have to go on like this, until I am powerful enough to fight my brother. But I have to make a pledge to myself: I will never feel any kind of affection towards Naruto, Sakura, or Kakashi-sensei. Never.

 **First actual mission**

We've been doing stupid missions for days. It's getting boring. Finding cats, running errands, babysitting. Fortunately, Naruto complained about it - or rather, threw a tantrum in front of the Hokage. We've been assigned a C-ranked mission. We're supposed to protect some guy named Tazuna, on his way back to his village. Although it doesn't seem quite hard to do, I'm glad we were assigned this mission. It's certainly more interesting than all what we've done so far. I think I'm going to bring this notebook with me. Heaven knows what might happen over there. I might learn something. Maybe that stupid Kakashi is more interesting than he seems. The chances are low, but it doesn't mean they're non-existent. Besides, I'm going to leave Konoha for the first time. We might meet actual ninjas on the way.

 **First days of escorting Tazuna**

We finally got to fight actual ninjas. At first, Naruto just stood there and did nothing, but then he actually made a plan.

We also met some boy our age who killed Zabuza, a shinobi who'd tried killing us. I can't believe there are children out there stronger than our teacher. Stonger than me. I have to become stronger.

Anyways, Kakashi wants us to learn to use our chakra. By climbing trees. I'm looking forward to see what it will be like, but it sounds ridiculous.

 **Author note: I hope you enjoyed the story :) I might have made a few grammar mistakes (English isn't my mother tongue), if so, just tell me in the reviews. Thank you for reading this story :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Like most writers on this website, I tend not to finish stories. But I have a feeling that I will be able to finish that one. **

* * *

Climbing trees

It turned out to be harder than I expected it to be. I didn't think it would be so easy for Sakura.

During dinner, Tazuna told us about Kaiza. A hero of their village who was like a father to Inari. A hero. What a load of crap. Heroes don't exist. But I shouldn't care about any of that. It has nothing to do with my goal.

Sometimes I wonder what my life is going to be once Itachi's dead. Where am I gonna go? What life am I gonna lead? Am I just going to settle down and spend the rest of my life alone? I often think about that. Oddly, whenever I do, I start thinking about Sakura. Is she really as stupid as she seems to be? This tree-climbing training certainly proved that she wasn't that bad a ninja.

I wonder if she actually loves me. What if it's a weak kind of love? She shouldn't love anyway. I don't need anyone like that around me.

I guess once Itachi dies, life's just gonna go on, and I'll do whatever I'm expected to do. Then, eventually, I'm gonna die.

But what if Itachi kills me? Worse, what if I die before I'm even able to fight him? How ridiculous would that be? Should I just give up?

I shouldn't be thinking so much. I have to do it. And once it's done, I'll just forget about it.

 **A/N : This chapter was quite short. I'll try to make the next one longer. **

**By the way, if you like my writing, could you please read this story: s/12164023/1/Lost-one-s-weeping-Mamoru-s-diary**

 **It's not getting read a lot because the Vocaloid fandom isn't very popular, and I would love to know what you think about it. Don't worry, it's only about 700 words long, and it's a one shot.**

 **Thank you a lot for reading :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I'm going to set myself a goal. I'll make this fic at least 50K words long. That's gonna be hard. Anyway, I hope you'll like this chapter.  
**

Haku's death.

 _I can't believe this just happened. This boy who spared my life died, protecting this monster Zabuza. Kakashi killed him. Is this really the shinobi world? Is this reality? And I thought I had lost my innocence so long ago... We might have won, but is the joy our victory brought really greater than the sorrow that was caused by this tragedy?  
_

 _I shouldn't care. Zabuza was right all along. Shinobi are just tools, and feelings are of no use to them. I shouldn't care.  
_

 _I wish I didn't care. If anyone could have ever understood me, it would have been Haku. He suffered a lot when he was young. Or rather, younger than he was at the moment he died. He was twelve, dammit! Should I really keep on growing in this world? Wouldn't just dying be the easier path to finding the one I loved? But, Sakura... I can't leave her like this. And Naruto, that idiot... That idiot needs someone to protect him._

 _Protect him! As if I could do that. I have to leave Team 7 as soon as possible. I have to kill my brother, and live or die in peace. I have no time for this emotional bullshit, and I have no time for caring about people._

 _Dammit. I have no time for **living**. All I need is to stay **alive**.  
_

 _Haku, Zabuza, I will always remember you. But know that I won't take your path._

 _I almost died today. From now on, my main purpose will be revenge. No matter how absurd it is, and no matter how I hate principles, this is my Nindo._

 **A/N : Hope you liked this chapter. Thank you a lot for reading :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: It took me a long time to update. Anyway, enjoy this chapter, and please review :)**

The Chuunin Exam

1\. The Chuunin Exam is about to start. This is my chance to fight people who are as strong as me. _People who are stronger than me._ Like this Gaara kid, for example. He seems quite skilled. And kind of scary. But he's probably no match for Itachi. I wonder how well Naruto is going to do. These past days, Naruto has been proving to me and to our teacher that he's actually quite good as ninja. Who knows, maybe in a few weeks, I'll want to fight him. But there's no way I would lose to him. That would be downright pathetic.

I also wonder about Sakura. Although she might be good at controlling her chakra, I'm not sure she will do fine. Most of the boys seem stronger than her, and that girl who was with Gaara seemed quite interesting. Anyway, I'm looking forward to this exam. I don't think I have ever been this enthusiastic about anything before.

2.I met a guy named Rock Lee who seemed like a strong person. I hope I will have the opportunity to fight him again.

The first part of the exam was a written test. I didn't expect that... Of course, Naruto didn't understand the point of it at all. It's a good thing that he's not the kind who gives up easily. Otherwise, the three of us would have failed the test. Actually, I think that out of the three of us, Naruto is the least likely to ever give up.

Naruto is an idiot, but he's a good guy. He's frank and he's got guts.

I hope the next part of the exam will be interesting.

 **A/N : I hope you liked it :) Do you think I should write longer chapters? Please tell me in the reviews or in a PM, I need your opinion on this :)  
**


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